“Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.”
~Anthony Brandt
The Sandwich Generation
In my first article Ketogenic Diet’s Effect on Seizures. Can it Help? I spoke a little about my mother’s epilepsy. I touched on how diet had an impact on her mental health (noticeably so). What I did not speak about is what happened to her after the most recent surgeries. How she was forever changed. How it jump started early dementia. It was a slow decline and now, she is just unrecognizable. She walks different, she looks different, she wanders off, and the worst of it is…she has absolutely no idea. In her little world, everything is the same.
They call this chapter in life The Sandwich Generation. Taking care of parents and your children at the same time. I have to say, it is no joke. I see my 2 ½ year old daughter being more independent than my 64 year old mother. I will never get used to that. Telling my mom to look both ways before crossing the street. Telling her eating a gallon of ice cream is in no way good for you. On and on it goes.
So there are a few things that I have learned from this not so pleasant situation.
- Be honest. You need to be able to admit what is going on so you can prepare for what needs to be done. My mom simply cannot watch my daughter alone. A hard truth, but an important one. Be aware of your feelings, good or bad…neither are wrong. Just be honest and open with yourself about how you are feeling and the situations at hand.
- Find ways to handle your stress. Taking care of your parents and your children can elevate blood pressure, lead to a weakened immune system, and elevated insulin levels. Meditation brings short term and long term stress relief. It helps you be in the here and now, helping lead to mindfulness. Or practice yoga. It combines physical movement, meditation, light exercise, and controlled breathing—all of which provide excellent stress relief.
- Take care of yourself. An obvious statement I know. If you are not at your best self, it makes it so much harder to be there for your loved ones. When you fly on commercial airlines, in their safety preambles they always say put your oxygen mask on first. You cannot help others if you cannot help yourself. If I did not have a healthy lifestyle, I know it would negatively impact my family. Find time to exercise, find time for a little fun, find time for yourself every once in a while. Find constructive outlets for these stresses.
Honestly, there is no simple answer that helps. It takes time. Even then, you never get accustomed to your parent(s) and child merging to the same intellectual level.
I learned about this topic in nursing school, and I remember thinking I have years before this would affect me. I was newly married, and my mom wasn’t in such bad shape. Then she had a bad fall in a cornerstone bakery, and everything changed. How quickly things can turn.
It taught me to appreciate the now. To be mindful and remember that things are forever changing. I know I can’t make my mom the way she was, no rewind button on this remote control of life. But what I can do is try to be my best self for her and for my daughter.
Cited CaringpeopleInc
Cited VeryWellMind
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